Saturday night. Tonight I ain't staying home. Fuck it. If I have to go out alone and celebrate my birthday, I will. I don't feel like making plans with anybody. I just wanna go out alone and see where the wind blows me. I only have one appointment. I have to meet Gman downtown on Drummond. He's celebrating his birthday tonight. Well, more precisely tomorrow or starting at midnight tonight. He insisted that I come. And he also has my camera from the last time we went to Tribe. There are some pictures on that camera that should not be seen. Tribe (the club) was not a lot of fun. I really felt like I was in some small city, and it was the local bar.

I'm glad that we are meeting at a restaurant. He says there were going to be a lot of nice girls, mostly singles. Cool, I say not just the single girls are allowed to have some fun too. Everybody is entitled to peace and a lil fun on earth. As long as it does not interfere with my freedom.

I am old. I rather go sit in a restaurant and have some conversation with some unknown girls, than go to a club and shake my booty with some unknown girls. I actually feel like getting totally smashed tonight. I wish I was in Toronto, with my ''old skool'' friends. But hey, my heart is in the right place finally. I know it will take some time for things to get into the groove of things here. Than it will be smooth sailing. I've learned my lessons from the past two relationships. And I promised myself that it will not happen again. I rather be with someone special, but for now I gotta go solo, and take care of myself, my family and friends. Do the thins I've been putting off for so long. Things that can only be done if you're single. With no guilty feelings.

So tonight I'm celebrating my birthday in my head alone. No matter how many people around.

Instinct - Today and tomorow

My instinct told me
At first to stay away
But did I listen...
I knew what was to happen
Why did I still do it...
Simply because I could

I didn't care
If it was gonna hurt later
I was craving that high
The hurting is now
And It was like crack
That just fell from the sky
Made me feel so good

I had so much pain in my heart
I needed something to anesthetize it
It looked so pure
It took away my mind
Even though it told me so
A sweet high
Nothing but a sweet high

When I woke up next morning
I should have listened
My instinct told me so...
I should have left
And not come back

Than the wise man
Ruined it all
By telling me again
''Never regret
what made you smile...''

Conclusion 1

I think I've crossed that line. That fine line between sanity and insanity. What I want and what I need is at hand's reach. I think I want it all. But I no longer know what I want. I'm well aware that everything has it's price. And as the saying goes ''nothing worth having doesn't come without a hefty price''. But I don't see no price tag to know if I can afford it or not. But as another saying goes ''if you gotta ask for the price, you can't afford it''. I've learned to take a little and give a little. I'm not interested in amassing fortune for the sake of piling it to admire.
The things I want do not have a price tag. Materials things to me are tools I need to achieve my final spiritual chef d'oeuvre. A life well lived. With the acknowledgment that everything has it's time. As this beautiful poem, best summers it.

For everything there is a season,and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born,
and a time to die;

a time to plant,
and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill,
and a time to heal;

a time to break down,
and a time to build up;

a time to weep,
and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn,
and a time to dance;

a time to throw away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek,
and a time to lose;

a time to keep,
and a time to throw away;

a time to tear,
and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence,
and a time to speak;

a time to love,
and a time to hate;

a time for war,
and a time for peace. Peace...

Good Good Lovin! 1999

Good good Lovin' (Adley Glemaud 1999)

I'm gonna see you soon
I just can't wait to be with you
I gotta see you soon
Fill me up of that good lovin

Day after day I wake up
To salute the shinning star
Wherever I go for sure it' ll follow
I go and I come about my business
Like a chicken without its head
Round and around the globe
No matter how fast
No matter how far
Feet still on the ground
Yearning for you
Just when I think
I got it all under control
There comes the rain
messing everything up

Never learned my lesson
To never ever ever ever
Wear my heart on my sleeves
Fool as I am again
I went and fell in love
When all I needed
Was some of that hard love
Some of that sweet sweat
good good wet Lovin'

Put on my winter coat
Followed the unmarked footsteps
Listening to the echoes of you voice
In the silence of the night
Louder and Louder I'm thinking of you
On every girl's face
I search for your smile
Walking as if I had a destination
I quietly followed the crowds
Each passing moment seems to stand still
Awaken by a whiff of your perfume
Fool as I am
I went and fell in love
When all I needed
Was some Good Good Lovin
Some of that sweet Good Good Lovin

Don't need to hear I love yous
Don't need to know
Your plans for the future
Here I am baby
I'm on my way to you

All I need is you in my arms
Please don't tell me lies
and no goodbyes
and no surprises
Just hear my cries


I just need you and
That good good lovin'
That sweet sweet good lovin' woman...
You ain't going nowhere
Neither am I
So bring it to dudley
That sweet sweet
Good Good loving